A Mother's Heart

 What is a mother's heart? How do you know if you have a mother's heart? Why does God give women a mother's heart and then not give her children to mother? 

These and so many other questions come to mind most days of my life, especially since April, 2013. I even have had times of wondering if I truly do have a mother's heart. 

Over the past couple years, working through things with my counselor, I have come to realize that I definitely was born with the heart of a mother. Not just a mother, a mom . . . mommy, momma. From the day I received my first baby doll I have mothered. From the day my parents brought home my first baby brother - I have mothered. 

What makes up that part deep inside, that inborn part, the heart that makes someone a mother, a nurturer? Not just someone who loves babies. Who loves snuggles, who can't get enough of the scent of a newborn's head. But someone who is a true nurturer, caretaker and connects with children and others on a level that takes patience, humbleness, empathy, and a number of other inborn skills. My mom and both grandmas had mother's hearts. My mother-in-law as well. Maybe this is where my deep desire to have children, biological children, has come from. 

In my life, I have always gravitated to babies and young children. I have babysat since I was 9 years old, helped take care of my brothers since I was 6 and 7. I worked in daycare for many years, and now am working there again. I have mentored teenagers, nannied my nieces and even fallen in love with my 2 bonus daughters. This mothering instinct doesn't stop there. I have taken other women under my wing, mentored younger women at work. Also, have worked in the church nursery as well as lead a small group of middle school girls at church in  confirmation class. 

All those years ago, when I felt God put the verse of Isaiah 54:1 on my heart, I figured it couldn't be for me. I thought maybe it was a ministry. In April, 2013 when I became the woman in this verse

“Shout for joy, O barren one, she who has not given birth;
Break forth into joyful shouting and rejoice, she who has not gone into labor [with child]!
For the [spiritual] sons of the desolate one will be more numerous
Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord. (AMP)

                                             

I became the barren woman on April 29, 2013, after having the second surgery for staging the Ovarian Cancer I was diagnosed with on April 9, 2013. I was angry. Angry at God! God, who gave me a Mother's Heart and then wouldn't let me bear my husband's children.

These are my cousins, nieces, and just a few of the other children I have had the pleasure and honor of having in my life. There have been so many others. 

The Characteristics of This Mother's Heart

Empathetic

Caring 

Nurturing

Loving

Playful

Creative

Willing to snuggle

Willing to listen

God fearing

                                         

I also try to take a page out of Mr Roger's book each and every day. I hope to validate each child, make them feel special and validate their feelings.  

After several years of counseling, hard work, and prayer; I have finally come to realize although I will never become pregnant or give birth to a child, I have and will have many, many "spiritual" children. All of them I will forever carry in my heart. 

The reminder is constantly with me: GOD is NOT the one who gives or brings bad things into our lives. The bad things like cancer, death, barrenness, sickness and more are all caused by the sin and death in the world. We need to take a look at ourselves and the world we live in, stop blaming God and run to Him in times of troubles. Once we realize this and start leaning on Him, we can start healing and begin to see the blessings He honestly has for us. 

God gives the childless mother with a mother's heart abundantly more children to love and nuture than she could ever imagine. He will never make promises He does not keep. Now that I have truly found my song, the Song of My Heart, I can truly sing.