In my own grief over Britt, I needed to make sense of why young children with what I saw as their whole lives ahead of them died at such young ages. Brittany was 19!! Our friend's daughter was 14!! Being in the cancer community I am constantly seeing small children, young children, babies who have barely had a chance to live, dying every day from horrible disease! GOD THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!
It was then that God reminded me - because of sin, life isn't fair. It took two years to come to terms with this fact. Sin, disease, death -- this is what happens in this world. No matter how much as a parent or stepparent we want to be able to change places with our suffering children, we CAN'T. I prayed and prayed for God to let me take the cancer from her, to give me a recurrence and let her be cancer free so she could live her life, live her plan, become the wonderful nurse she wanted to be. Realize all the potential we could see in her.
That's when, through my tears and heart cries, God slapped me in the face with Psalm 139. As I read that familiar Psalm, words that had always been important to me before began to comfort, then I got to verse 15 and 16:
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
It was not up to me to decide if Brittany was too young or too old to die - that's God's job! Before we were born, He knew how many days we would have in our life. He knows how long or short each person's dash is, or even if a person gets a dash. Sickness, personal decisions of individual will - they don't surprise Him! This doesn't mean that we won't get to live how we want or destroy our life or health. However, God expects us to follow Him and make an impact with the life and direction He created us for, that is His blessing to us.
Brittany, even though she didn't get to become the nurse she wanted to, has left a mark and legacy with her strong faith, love and joy. Her heart for others and her sweet, gentle spirit. We will never forget her - and no parent that has a child living in heaven will ever forget that piece of their family missing here on earth. There will always be grief here, just as there will always be sin, sickness and death.
Knowing God has each person's days ordained and a special purpose for each of our lives, no matter how long our dash, brings a deep measure of comfort to me. There is NEVER a gone too soon.
We grieve because we love.
