What's Up With The Toilet Paper?

 

We Only Put the Toilet Paper on the Holder When Company Comes:

A lesson from my first year of Marriage: Toilet Paper

So, what’s up with the toilet paper? For some this could be a big issue. On the holder. . . off the holder. Paper up . . . paper down. When I moved in with my then boyfriend it drove me crazy that he was constantly taking the toilet paper off the holder. It would sit on the counter next to the sink, on a shelf, on the back of the toilet or sometimes, even on top of the holder! I would put it back on the holder and every time he went in he would take it off . . . a wonderful, vicious cycle. 

After a few months of this, I decided to fix this once and for all. I pulled out a second roll and put it on the holder for me. I left his roll alone. This ended up backfiring too. When he saw the new, full roll he would pull that one off and start using it. Suddenly I had four partial rolls sitting in the bathroom just waiting to fall into any water trap they could find. What to do now? 

That question took me a year and a half to figure out. Once we got married this issue kept happening. Finally I found myself leaving the toilet paper off the holder and resting it on top the holder. Monty still put it on the sink or the shelf, but for the most part it now sits on the holder. The compromise is when we have company coming the toilet paper goes on the holder and any stray partial or almost empty rolls go in the hamper where we store the extra paper products. I was amazed when I discovered I was the one who changed my behavior and came up with the “company compromise.” 

This discovery led to another. In marriage as in any other relationship, you have to pick your battles. Would it have been any major benefit to my marriage or either one of us to constantly harp on each other about where the toilet paper roll rests? Would this battle build either one of us up while tearing the other down? If the answer to the first question is no and the second question is yes, then this is a battle that is better not fought. 

One of the first, big lessons I learned in my marriage – I vowed to honor, love, obey, submit to and respect my husband. If I harp and nag about something as petty as where the toilet paper roll sits that does not show my husband honor, love or respect! When I stopped putting the toilet paper back on the holder and kept my mouth shut, I silently showed my husband he was respected. 

Why don’t other married women let this secret out? All other wives tell you is “pick your battles.” I say, if we didn’t start out viewing them as battles we could focus on a bigger question. Next time your husband does something that seems to annoy you, take a breath and look at the situation closely, dissect it if necessary. Ask yourself those questions I asked myself: 

- Will pursuing this issue have any major, positive benefit to my marriage or either one of us? 
- Will this battle build me up while tearing my husband down? 

If the answer to the first question is no and the second question is yes, this is not an issue you want to turn into a battle. On the other hand, if the first answer is yes and the second is no go for it. 

Once you start respecting your husband in seemingly small ways you will be amazed at the love you feel coming back at you. Respect is what fuels your husband. In his book Love and Respect, Dr. Emerich talks about how God has made women to be fueled by love and men to be fueled by respect. This is a direct command from God. In Ephesians 5:33 God tells us . . . a husband must love his wife as Christ loves His church and a woman must respect her husband. 

By leaving the small, petty things alone you are showing your husband the respect he needs from you. You will also be honoring God with your actions.

(I wrote this 2 years after I had been diagnosed with cancer. If you have been reading this blog, I was diagnosed 8 months after we were married. In our first 5 years of marriage we had bigger fish to fry than where the toilet paper should go and if the dirty clothes were left on the floor.)