Smiling Through It All

 A friend mentioned once that in every picture she ever saw of me I was always smiling. When I was diagnosed with cancer, she again mentioned whenever she saw me I always was smiling. She told me seeing me smile while going through chemo really encouraged her. 

Friends & family admired and wondered at Brittany when she was going through all her ups and downs with cancer because she kept her smile at all times. Even my niece, who has spina bifida, with all her surgeries, pain and issues has a constant smile. 

The questions many ask me, us, is why? Why do you smile all the time? How do you keep smiling all the time? You had cancer, your child died . . . how and why can you smile?

Well, there are 2 answers. The first is the one that always gets a nod and a pat on the shoulder: "I am a Christian, and I know no matter what God has things under control." The second answer is: "What else do you expect? I can't change the situation by crying all the time."

Let's look at the second response first: Can I change the fact that I have cancer if I cry or am upset or angry all the time about it? The answer is a big NO! What happens if I have that kind of attitude is I become more miserable and make everyone around me miserable. It's not their fault, my fault or the doctor/nurses' fault that I'm sick. The reason I have cancer, have to go through this crappy treatment, is because there is sin, death and the devil in this world. 

So many woman, actually the majority, have trouble with losing their hair. They seem fine with having to lose their lady parts, have poison pumped into their body and be super sick . . . but be bald for a few months! Heaven forbid!! For me not having hair was the best part. It was the first time in my life I felt truly beautiful. It showed me how much pressure society puts on women and girls to reflect their beauty through what their hair looks like. Me - I smiled through being bald. Shaving my head was the only thing I could control - so smile and control it. 

Chemo

Hair shave day

Now, the big reason I, Brittany and my niece can and always will smile through all our adveristy. We are Christians. We believe God has always done what He said He would do and always will! We have a steadfast, strong faith in Jesus, and we don't let go of it. A faith which has grown stronger through all the adveristy.

Through adverisity, whether born with a birth defect or diagnosed with cancer, we cling to the joy of the Lord. This is a JOY deep inside of us and nothing can take it away. This JOY is a gift from God. We may have days where we don't feel happy, we cry, get angry, depressed, grieve and have a lot of other emotions. This doesn't mean we don't have JOY. This JOY lets us smile when we grieve. Smile when we cry. Smile even though we have depression. Smile when we're in pain. 

Phil Vasar & Brittany

My niece & Brittany

So don't let the smile fool you . . . it doesn't mean I love my situation. It means even though I'm in a bad situation I'm leaning on the ONE who can take care of the situation, and I don't have to worry. 

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, 

for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:10

The Ribbon Color Battle - Pink vs All Other Colors

I have seen the battle and the "Not all cancer is pink" posts. Seen them for years, even before I was diagnosed with cancer, even before my mom was diagnosed with "the pink" cancer. 

Cancer is NOT a color. Cancer is pain fear, anger, tears, surgery, poison flowing into your veins to kill an unseen beast. Cancer means scars - physical & mental. Cancer means never being who you used to be, not feeling your "normal" self and having to get used to a forever new normal. 

Cancer is more doctor appointments than you ever thought you'd have in your life. It's hospitals and clinis, scans, endless pokes with needles. 

Cancer is finding out who your true friends, family and supporters are. Cancer is finding out how truly strong you are when push comes to shove. Cancer pulls some families and friends closer and pulls others apart forever. 

Cancer does not care if you are young, old, male, female, black, white, yellow or red. CANCER DOES NOT CARE!!! 

It is not a COLOR. ALL cancer is horrible! Cancer is not pretty t-shirts, bracelets, bras, soup, cupcakes and all those other PINK products you see in every store in October. 

Let me repeat: ALL CANCER IS HORRIBLE!! It is a destructive disease. It destroys cells, organs, and bodies. It KILLS!! 

Please do your research on the organizations you give to - find out how much of the money you donate goes to research and the programs they profess to have. Does the organization help those it says it serves or does most of the money go to their staff? Does that can of soup you're buying just because it has a pink ribbon on it really send money to help those who are diagnosed with breast cancer or help provide mamograms or is it a marketing gimic to get you to buy more soup? 

Just because you or your family may not have been affected by cancer yet doesn't mean you never will. When you get a cancer diagnosis, you want something to help you connect and identify with others. That becomes a color - an important identity. Pink for breast cancer, Teal for Ovarian Cancer, Peach for Uterine Cancer, Yellow for Sarcomas, Grey for Brain Cancer, Gold for Childhood Cancer. But please, please remember, the COLOR IS NOT THE CANCER, the COLOR IS NOT THE BE ALL END ALL. 

What I'm asking is that when you reach for that pink spatula, sunglasses or box of cereal; ask yourself if it's because you've been conditioned to "think pink" or "save the ta tas" or if it's because it is really going to bring more awareness to breast cancer. 

Remember, we use the color for awareness, for people to ask us why we are wearing a particular color ribbon or what our shirt means, - but color is NOT cancer. Because ALL cancers suck!