Smiling Through It All

 A friend mentioned once that in every picture she ever saw of me I was always smiling. When I was diagnosed with cancer, she again mentioned whenever she saw me I always was smiling. She told me seeing me smile while going through chemo really encouraged her. 

Friends & family admired and wondered at Brittany when she was going through all her ups and downs with cancer because she kept her smile at all times. Even my niece, who has spina bifida, with all her surgeries, pain and issues has a constant smile. 

The questions many ask me, us, is why? Why do you smile all the time? How do you keep smiling all the time? You had cancer, your child died . . . how and why can you smile?

Well, there are 2 answers. The first is the one that always gets a nod and a pat on the shoulder: "I am a Christian, and I know no matter what God has things under control." The second answer is: "What else do you expect? I can't change the situation by crying all the time."

Let's look at the second response first: Can I change the fact that I have cancer if I cry or am upset or angry all the time about it? The answer is a big NO! What happens if I have that kind of attitude is I become more miserable and make everyone around me miserable. It's not their fault, my fault or the doctor/nurses' fault that I'm sick. The reason I have cancer, have to go through this crappy treatment, is because there is sin, death and the devil in this world. 

So many woman, actually the majority, have trouble with losing their hair. They seem fine with having to lose their lady parts, have poison pumped into their body and be super sick . . . but be bald for a few months! Heaven forbid!! For me not having hair was the best part. It was the first time in my life I felt truly beautiful. It showed me how much pressure society puts on women and girls to reflect their beauty through what their hair looks like. Me - I smiled through being bald. Shaving my head was the only thing I could control - so smile and control it. 

Chemo

Hair shave day

Now, the big reason I, Brittany and my niece can and always will smile through all our adveristy. We are Christians. We believe God has always done what He said He would do and always will! We have a steadfast, strong faith in Jesus, and we don't let go of it. A faith which has grown stronger through all the adveristy.

Through adverisity, whether born with a birth defect or diagnosed with cancer, we cling to the joy of the Lord. This is a JOY deep inside of us and nothing can take it away. This JOY is a gift from God. We may have days where we don't feel happy, we cry, get angry, depressed, grieve and have a lot of other emotions. This doesn't mean we don't have JOY. This JOY lets us smile when we grieve. Smile when we cry. Smile even though we have depression. Smile when we're in pain. 

Phil Vasar & Brittany

My niece & Brittany

So don't let the smile fool you . . . it doesn't mean I love my situation. It means even though I'm in a bad situation I'm leaning on the ONE who can take care of the situation, and I don't have to worry. 

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, 

for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:10

"For I Know the Plans . . ." Part 2

Here I was, living in Minnesota almost 7 years after God promised me a husband and family. I had friends who believed the same thing as me, we had our own "Christian singles group" because we were tired of the singles groups we found at church. Most of the people who attended had been married once or twice before, had children . . . they needed different things spiritualy and we just didn't feel like we fit in; especially the night I went alone, and they were studying Ephesians 5. A chapter I hold near and dear to my heart.

Ephesians 5 talks about marriage, in some cases people know it as the "submission" chapter. After all the studying I had done, I had bought a Concordance & Bible Dictionary, so I was doing some serious studying. I knew what that Greek word "submission" meant. My "take" on it didn't go well with the group, even with Biblical backing. No more singles group for me at church!

Then the first BOMB hit! My pretty plastic block tower got bumped into by my brother! He's 15 months younger than me, had been dating a wonderful girl for many years and decided to get engaged to her!!! WAIT GOD!! I was supposed to be engaged first! I've been waiting, doing everything you asked me to! Doing it all right!!

Then bomb #2! More blocks fell as my next younger brother (3 1/2 years younger!) announced his engagement to the girl he had only been dating for a year and a half!! NO!!!! NO!! NO!

Then bomb #3 - 6 months after that first brother got married, they announced they were pregnant!
NOT FAIR GOD!!! NOT FAIR!!! More of those newly placed plastic blocks fell and I could put them back right.

In less than 2 years two of my brothers had taken my blocks away!

My first niece was born in 1999. She was beautiful, healthy and amazing. In 2002, her sister was born. She was also healthy, but born with the birth defect - Spina Bifida. I headed home to Wisconsin to visit the new addition. I wasn't working my office job anymore and was picking up hours at the Y to make close to full time, so it was pretty much an open-ended visit if I wanted (this was the beginning of November).

I came home again at Thanksgiving and found out they couldn't find a babysitter who would take both nieces and didn't want to split them up when my sister-in-law went back to work. Within 2 days my decision was made, I was moving back to Wisconsin to nanny my nieces.

My brother knew of a small apartment for me to rent, the upstairs of the new house they were going to be moving into and renting. This was great! I'd be back in Wisconsin, able to grow close to my nieces and have to be in my thirties living with mom & dad! What could be better?

It now seemed I had moved on to the more solid wooden blocks. A bit steadier when built with, or so I thought . . .